Today, I Confess: It's Not Our Job to Make Students "Happy".
One of the (many) things I've been learning in therapy is this: I am not responsible for regulating the emotions of others.
Like many of life's hardest lessons, this sounds obvious. Of course I'm not in charge of anyone else's feelings.
...and yet...
When it comes to teaching, I know I am not alone in obsessing over whether my students (or their family members) are HAPPY with their piano experience.
You may recall, I kicked off this last academic year with a series of episodes focused on common distractions in teaching. I tackled:
Well, friends, I'm here to add one more Common Teacher Distraction to the list: Student Happiness.
There's a growing body of evidence to support the fact that, when parents focus on making children happy, they set them up for the exact opposite. As teachers, we would be wise to remember the same.
Contentment is a funny thing. We all want it...but if it's the only thing we're chasing, we'll never actually get there.
Don't get me wrong: If I were to run a Studio Satisfaction Survey right now, I expect 100% of my families would report being happy in their lesson experience.
Their contentment matters to me, but I don't achieve that level of satisfaction by trying to make them happy. I focus on doing my job well.
- I communicate well.
- I choose materials that fit the unique needs of each student.
- The pace of my lessons is based on what I see accomplished in front of me, not on what's printed on the next page.
- I prioritize the human condition - in all its ups and downs. We explore, create, and laugh a lot.
At the same time, I'm not afraid to have tough conversations. When students are struggling to meet their goals, I provide feedback that is direct and timely.
(No more, "The recital is 3 days away and so-and-so is not prepared!" Been there, done that!) 😅
I've said it before; my students don't choose their repertoire. I do incorporate elements of student choice in lessons, but it rarely takes the form of them calling the shots on their repertoire. Frankly, it's my job to know better.
It's also my job to highlight progress everywhere I see it. The amount of effort it takes to make quality music at the piano is increasingly counter-cultural for most students. It's a long-term investment. I don't want to make it easier on my students. I value the work of music study.
...but a good teacher is diligent to shine a spotlight on things that have improved, no matter how small. Students need to be affirmed their efforts are paying off. They also need to know their work is appreciated by others.
If Johnny believes his music study only impacts him, he's unlikely to stick with it. If he sees his music as a gift to be shared - something that stirs up good feelings for others - he is more likely to continue working.
Human beings need to feel a sense of purpose in their work. You and I know that better than anyone, right? 😊
So - rather than focusing on making Johnny happy - my bigger task is to show him his playing matters. It matters to me, to his family, and to the greater community around him.
...I could go on all day, but I'll close with this reminder:
Trying to make our students happy does not result in happier students. Rather, we are wise to nurture feelings of connection, consequence, and purpose.
If we foster those qualities, contentment is all-but-guaranteed to follow.
🥂 May we be wise to look past the surface-level distractions of our work and remain focused on that which matters most. 🥂
(Side note: Want to make sure this email doesn't get caught in your Spam filter? Hit REPLY and let me know what distractions most often trip YOU up!)
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Featured Resource:
The Paradox of Play:
If you're feeling the FOMO of missing MTNA in Chicago later this month, spend an hour with me while we look at the power of prioritizing PLAY in lessons.
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Speaking of MTNA:
If you'll be in Chicago, HIT REPLY so I know to look for you!
I'll be presenting a session with Marie Lee and Sara Campbell on Student Recruitment and Retention on Saturday at 10am so come check us out!
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